B0000: Pale Celestine
Pale Celestine predates compassion and reasoning. He solves all of his problems by bludgeoning them to death with his trusty beating-stick. It worked when pterodactyls infested his home, it worked when he had to fend mammoths off of his lawn, and it worked to subdue the researchers who thawed him out of a patch of ice millions of years old. Ever since he's wandered his way into modern society, Pale Celestine has encountered rather continuous opposition from human-rights groups, who claim that his "beat first, ask questions later" approach to problem-solving is outdated and infringing on society's standards. Frankly, Pale Celestine has only one response to those people, and it involves the use of a rather large blunt instrument.
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B000: Pale Porcelain Blue
As the most renowned and regal count in all of London, Pale Porcelain Blue has a veritable bevy of crooning damsels just itching to marry him for his inheritance. He often lures the finest countesses along with the prospect of courtship, inviting them over to his classy estate where he devours them whole with his dislocatable jaw. After all, he is a man of very refined taste.
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B00: Frost Blue
Frost Blue is the last of his kind, and he misses his brethren. He remembers the good old days; his people, the carnivorous trees, used to be the most feared race on the planet. They ruled with an iron branch, and none dared to oppose them. But then, disaster struck when man invented the hatchet, and the subsequent slaughter of his people drove Frost Blue into exile. He is now hidden in the great forests of Oakland, waiting out the final centuries of his life alone, nostalgic for times past.
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B01: Mint Blue
We regret to inform you that Mint Blue, after much deliberation, was disqualified from the final round of the Preston Dog Show due to the controversy surrounding his coat. Extensive DNA testing revealed that his natural minty-blue appearance is nothing more than the result of years of swimming in toxic waste. The Preston Dog Show in no way condones the kind of lifestyle this implies and therefore must remove Mint Blue from the competition.
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B02: Robin's Egg Blue
Contrary to popular belief, Robin's Egg Blue is actually the egg of a long-extinct species of venemous sea-moth. It has travelled through six millenia, thirty-two continents, and four oceans to arrive here. All things this egg has touched have rotted and decayed at alarming rates, and it constantly emits a low, guttural moan that causes the minds of all who hear it to deteriorate and decay to the point of insanity. It is currently on display in the Museum of Natural History's petting zoo.
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B04: Tahitian Blue
Tahitian Blue was working at his job as a cashier at an independently-owned grocery store one day when he suddenly realized that his life was everything that he feared it would become when he was a young boy, and that he had no hope of ever being happy. Then his boss gave him a dirty look and he realized it was time to get back to work.
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B05: Process Blue
Due to a tumor that has consumed the moralistic center of his brain, Process Blue is currently cultivating a virus that will wipe out all life on Earth. It is festering in a ziplock container deep in the recesses of his parent's basement. He was always such an antisocial boy. His parents worry about him sometimes.
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B06: Peacock Blue
Peacock Blue is just so misunderstood. Nobody knows who he really is, but everybody's always on his case. He just wishes the world would get off his back. He stews in his dark, depressing room, day in and day out, brooding and moping his life away. His parents keep trying to get him to "open up" and "go outside", but they're just mindless sheep in the corporate machine; Peacock Blue still has his freedom of speech, goddammit! Man, sometimes he thinks his love of jock-metal is the only thing that gets him through the days.
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B12: Ice Blue
A malevolent vigilante the likes of which the south has never seen, Ice Blue is wanted dead or alive on counts of robbery, arson, horse-teasing, and wheat-mongering. The state of Nevada is in a ceaseless state of terror due to his merciless onslaughts of hooliganism, and the law-enforcement has had enough. A thirty-thousand dollar reward will be given to whoever first drags his cold, dead carcass through the sherrif's doors. I suppose you could bring him in alive too, but where's the sport in that?
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B14: Light Blue
Light Blue has gotten fat off of the sweat and toil of his hordes of illegal immigrant workers. He makes them slave away in coal mines for sixteen hours a day at two dollars an hour, while he uses the profits to buy himself a ferrari and eat caviar every night for dinner. The government is trying to track down Light Blue and bring an end to his unlawful mining ring, but he's escaped their kind before. As long as he makes a quick buck, he's not worried.
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B16: Cyanine Blue
Cyanine Blue values safety over all else. He laminated his hardwood floors to prevent splinters, he's sanded down every corner in his house, and he's programmed his oven to never go above "mild saute". He even jerry-rigged a firing squad security system in his house in case of intruders. Sure, he may have lost a family member or two to stray bullet fire, but that's what they get for not following proper safety protocol.
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B18: Lapis Lazuli
Lapis Lazuli is said to have a magical golden liver that, when ingested, can grant three wishes. All organ-trafficking rings have him at the top of their most-wanted lists, and he can hardly walk down the street without some madman with a scalpel lunging at him from an alley, attempting to cut him open for his sweet, sweet organ magic. In actuality this legend is a farce, started by a bitter ex-girlfriend as vengeance for breaking up with her. She wouldn't have been so mad with him if Lapis Lazuli hadn't ended their relationship by writing her a break-up note on a used restaurant napkin that he left on her front steps in the middle of the night. He really needs to start letting his girlfriends down more gently.
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B21: Baby Blue
A young and fiesty upstart, Baby Blue, although a mere three weeks old, has already made bold strides forward in the fields of medical science, linguistics, mathematics, and musical theatre. He is currently working as a professor at Harvard Law, although he moonlights as the country's top Private Investigator.
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B23: Phthalo Blue
Phthalo Blue once told me, "If you reach for the stars, you'll achieve your dreams". He then spent years aquiring the materials and knowledge needed to build a spaceship and launch himself outside of the stratosphere. When the day finally came to achieve his goal, he piloted the makeshift ship outside of the earth's gravitational pull and headed for the nearest star; the sun. Within a 3 lightyear distance of the gaseous orb his ship melted into a husk of rubble and he is is now doomed to wander the void of space for all eternity.
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B26: Cobalt Blue
Cobalt Blue had it all. A high-paying job. A beautiful family. A physique that was the envy of all. But then everything was snatched away from him when he took his family to the National Avalanche Convention. During a routine avalanche, something went horribly awry, and the resulting rubble and debris crushed Cobalt Blue's family. Unable to deal with his crippling depression, he stayed at home and isolated himself from the outside world. He was fired from his job after not showing up to work for three years, and now survives by feeding off of the misery of other living beings, as well as stealing from the dumpsters of several local restaurants.
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B28: Royal Blue
Royal Blue is dreading his dentist appointment next friday. He hasn't brushed or flossed his teeth in six years, and has also been chain-smoking and eating nothing but salt-covered gobstoppers in the meantime. The dentist warned him at their last meeting that if he didn't start practicing proper dental hygiene, they would have to remove all of his teeth and gums, and replace them with an incredibly painful and impractical aluminum mouthpiece. Royal Blue is starting to think that maybe he should have listened to his dentist.
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B29: Ultramarine
Ultramarine has been pursued for years by sailors who want to harvest his bountiful blubber to use as a silicone substitute for breast implants. However, the endless mounds of fat that make him so sought-after are also his saving grace: they've prevented the endless fire of harpoons and bullets at him from being able to puncture any major organs. In fact, his blubber is so thick that it literally absorbs all projectiles, rendering him nigh-invincible. Still, it's a bit of an inconvenience to be hunted 24/7.
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B32: Pale Blue
Tired of being pestered by his cohorts for being small and fragile, Pale Blue built himself a mighty robot to smite his enemies and impress his ladyfriends. While certainly a good plan in theory, the crucial flaw laid in giving the mechanical behemoth an artificial intelligence. After realizing that it was essentially the puppet to an egotistical midget with superiority complexes, the robot decided it was nobler to end its own life than to play second fiddle to Pale Blue, and gutted itself of its circuitry with its own hands. Initially quite disheartened by this event, Pale Blue later managed to salvage half of his creation, and made himself a sexy pair of mechanical running legs.
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B34: Manganese Blue
Part of the aristocratic European Blue bloodline, Manganese Blue lords over thirty-four acres of rich, fertile land in Edinburgh, Scotland. He aquired this land by selling his neighbor's seventeen children, who he won in a bet made during a prolongued and intense game of water-polo. Do not play water-polo with Manganese Blue. He cheats.
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B37: Antwerp Blue
Antwerp Blue is currently under investigation by the C.I.A. All personal information about him is classified and inaccessible to the general public.
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B39: Prussian Blue
I don't know what you did to piss-off Prussian Blue, but whatever it was, you'd better apologize to him for it. He's absolutely furious, and has decided to vent his anger on my priceless collection of porcelain dolls. The dear, sweet reflective face of Betty-Sue is lying in shards at my feet as we speak, and all of her sisters are no better off than her. Having killed all of my beloved dolls, Prussian Blue has moved on to my collection of nude clown paintings, and I'll be sending you the bill for them if you don't stop him.
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B41: Powder Blue
If you ever go to a seedy bar in downtown New York after 1:00 AM, you may just find Powder Blue on-stage, reading his free-verse beatnik poetry. Chances are you will also see a lot of disinterested pubcrawlers who care not for social commentaries on the price of yolk. Such is the ignorance that Powder Blue must deal with in his journey for justice in the egg industry; the people just aren't ready for the hard-boiled truth he presents.
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B45: Smoky Blue
Smoky Blue is unable to keep himself in a single plane of reality for any given period of time. He is constantly phasing in and out of physical and ethereal form, changing from a solid to a liquid to a gas in a matter of seconds. Some say that this is a biological condition, but others attribute this to his general unreliability. As a result, he's currently jobless and hasn't had much luck with women either. I mean, if you can't even commit to what type of matter you're going to be at any given moment, how can you commit to a relationship?
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B52: Soft Greenish Blue
During the sixties, Soft Greenish Blue was the father of Softism, a social doctrine based on the repeated and frequent use of intravenous drugs. History would have you believe that he was nothing more than an agitated drug-addled maniac, but the real truth of the matter is that Soft Greenish Blue falsified a doctrine based on things he didn't believe in so that he could gain the favour of the people. And it worked: elevated to the ranks of esteemed leader by his wasted dirtbag followers, he quickly used his newfound power to form his own militia government and network of terrorist associates. The following years saw Soft Greenish Blue as one of the most tyrannical dictators of his time, sending his men to wipe out all peaceful neighbouring hippie encampments. It took the entire United Nations to bring his empire of terror to an end, and he is currently living out the rest of his life in London's Maximum Security Prison For The Politically Incorrect.
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B60: Pale Blue Grey
Pale Blue Grey's spine is beginning to cave under the pressure of supporting his humongous, elongated head for the last twenty-five years. He has contacted several gypsies and voodoo practitioners in the hopes that one of them can shrink his gargantuan gourd, but they only accept payments in the form of human souls. Pale Blue Grey has until midnight tonight to collect fifty human souls as payment for a shrunken head, or his spine will snap in two.
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B63: LIght Hydrangea
Light Hydrangea is the first non-human president of the United States. Hailing from a planet of political ardor and social reform, Light Hydrangea towered over the other candidates with his forceful speaking and twenty-foot tall physique. He won the polls by a landslide, and has bold new plans for the direction of the USA. Namely, he's planning to re-terraform the whole thing and inhabit it with his own people, killing every american human in the process. But he did lower taxes by four percent!
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B66: Clematis
Clematis was assigned by the Assisted Learning Program to bring literacy to a group of small-brained hicks in a little town called Cornsack. Although he originally expected the job to be less than easy, he wasn't prepared for it to be quite as difficult as it was. Upon his arrival in town, the eldest of the rural group accused him of being a big-city demon, causing the other villagers to tie him to a stake in the middle of town square and pelt him with rocks. Fortunately Clematis was able to quickly talk his way out of the situation, and suffered only a minor concussion. Though the ensuing months weren't easy by any stretch of the imagination, he began to feel a bond with these reckless countrymen, and they even started to accept him as one of their own. Before they knew it, the town of Cornsack had their literacy at an all-time high, with the townsfolk all being able to spell out their own names on paper. Clematis is proud of their progress, and plans to have them familiar with the entire alphabet by the end of the year.
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B69: Stratospheric Blue
Stratospheric Blue is a satanic puppet hand-sewn by a madman in thirteenth-century Britain who wanted to end the world. This sinister doll has truly bone-chilling properties: any person who comes into contact with it has their soul sucked into his button-eyes, and is trapped inside his burlap folds for all of eternity. Stratospheric Blue, however, doesn't want to do these evil things; it was simply what he was made for, and he has no choice in the matter. He has tried everything to bring rest to the souls that are inside of him, but nothing has worked. He now has over seven-thousand souls in his possession, and is still desperately trying to find a way to free them from his evil grasp.
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B79: Iris
Iris is the enchanted spirit of an ancient japanese demon of lethargy. He'll get around to haunting your house eventually, but right now he's got an occult recliner that's literally calling his name.
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B91: Pale Greyish Blue
Pale Greyish Blue recently placed second in the Miss Oakland competition. When asked about her defeat, she accused the judges of taking bribes from the competition, stating that in a fair world her plate-spinning technique would have landed her first place. In the weeks that followed, several of the judges began to receive mysterious death threats in the mail, culminating with the delivery of an explosive package to the home of the wardrobe judge, Mr. Lavinski. Mr. Lavinski is currently in treatment at Oakland General Hopsital, and although she was never directly linked to the crimes, Pale Greyish Blue was nevertheless asked not to participate in any future Miss Oakland competitions.
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B93: Light Crockery Blue
Light Crockery Blue is a member of a rare species of the avian family, the Long-Gams Mockingbird. With fibreglass-delicate legs over thirteen feet in length, this particular bird is usually killed quite quickly due to its inability to fly, blend in with its surroundings, catch prey, or fight-off predators. Light Crockery Blue, however, currently has a gig as a line-dancer in Las Vegas, and has managed to make a surprisingly good run of a life.
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B95: Light Greyish Cobalt
Light Greyish Cobalt lives in an upscale apartment in New York City. He whittles his days away as a high-stakes stock-broker, and when he's not making risky ventures he can often be found motorbiking through public parks. One might accuse Light Greyish Cobalt of getting his kicks by living life on the edge, and he'd agree with you as soon as he's done extreme-sailboating across a river of fire.
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B97: Night Blue
Night Blue is the reanimated corpse of a skeletal velociraptor, brought back to life through cuban voodoo. He gives free tours through the Museum of Natural History, pointing out the flaws in their dinosaur history along the way. For example, they claim that the stegosaurus was a peaceful herbivore; let me tell you, Night Blue met his fair share of stegosaurs in his time, and they were all exceedingly rude and condescending people. And pterodactyls flying? You wish! Their wings were purely aesthetic, much like the ostrich of current days. I mean, seriously people, get your facts straight.
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B99: Agate
Agate is worried about the mental health of his current master. As a genie, he is required to obey and grant the wishes of whosoever awakens him from his magical slumber...but this new guy, Fred, seems a bit unstable. His first wish was to change everyone in the world to their opposite gender, which Agate granted with more than a little reservation. Things only got weirder from there: Frieda used her second wish to become a tyrannical dominatrix, enslaving millions to tend to her every whim in some sort of slavish cult. Despite his moral objections to these ridiculous desires, Agate was bound by the genie code to abide by his master's wishes. Quite frankly, he's more than a little afraid of what Frieda's third wish will hold.
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