RV0000: Evening Primrose
At the end of the day, after a long agonizing ten hours at work, there's nothing Evening Primrose enjoys more than a tall, bubbling glass of gingerale. His love of it borders on addiction, and it's beginning to tear his family apart; his wife is threatening to leave him if he keeps choosing his carbonated vice over her. His son Rick is starting to experiment with tonic water, and could well work his way up to gingerale in a matter of months. Evening Primrose's wife is planning to have an intervention, to get him to realize how much he's damaging his family with his addiction.
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RV000: Pale Purple
Pale Purple became a raging alcoholic after his dismissal from the United States Military for dishonourable misconduct. He'll never talk about what exactly caused the military to slap him wish such serious charges, but rumour has it that it has something to do with a box of sundresses and a field of cacti under the hot Korean sun. Whatever the cause, it hit Pale Purple hard, and he now spends all of his days drinking his sorrows away in a drunken stupor. But nobody has the heart to tell him that the beer he's been buying for all these years has been non-alcoholic.
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RV00: Water Lily
Born from a dark pit of nothingness, spawned from the bowels of horror itself, Water Lily is considered to be the most terrifying creature in existence. It shambles about on its six elongated, hairy spider legs, its disfigured udder lactating toxic venom beneath its wake. To stare into Water Lily's eyes is said to paralyze one's spine with bone-chilling terror, and inside its gaping maw is a maelstrom of misery and sadness that will suck the soul right out of the worldweary and all those vagabond. It is a creature so foul that even the dark lords dare not touch it, lest they be caught inside it's studious and menacing grasp.
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RV02: Sugared Almond Pink
(Note: In a vain attempt to suscribe to the impossible standards of beauty held by humanity, Sugared Almond Pink had her colour surgically removed over the course of several operations spanning over a year. Although she may seem more beautiful in her own eyes, the natural beauty that Sugared Almond Pink once held is now gone, forever lost beneath the endless sea of plastic modifications.)
*Sugared Almond Pink is a non-photo colour and will not show up in scanned images.
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RV04: Shock Pink
Shock Pink secretes a medicinal jelly that has been proven to cure several strains of cancer. However, he hordes this secretion to himself and sells it off to the sick at extortionist prices. Curing cancer is great and all, but he has a yacht he has to pay off.
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RV06: Cerise
Cerise is the founder of a large, back-alley orphan-smuggling ring. He sells orphans by the bushel to the mafia, who uses them as currency in their poker games. He gives bulk discounts to chinese toy factories, who use them as unpaid workers. And sometimes he gives them out for free to the local flower shop, just because he has a crush on one of the girls who works there.
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RV09: Fuschia
A recognized deity in several small religions, Fuschia controls the power of regurgitation. He was born deep in the annals of space and time, from a vortex of pure bolemia. Every time an acolyte vomits, they must do so in the name of Fuschia.
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RV10: Pale Pink
(Note: when Pale Pink went against the order of the Knights of The Round Table and tried to start an insurgency, he was thwarted and stripped of his paley pinkish color. Doomed to be outcast of medieval society forever, Pale Pink now wanders the great plains of Britain, alone and colourless.)
*Pale Pink is a non-photo colour, and will not appear on scanned images.
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RV11: Pink
RV11: Pink
Pink sells mink furs. Pink makes mink furs in his sink. Pink's mink furs stink like like a drink of tequila. Pink thinks the stink of his mink furs is linked to his drinks of tequila. Pink's stinking mink furs drive him to the brink of insanity. I think Pink should drink less tequila in his sink so his mink furs don't stink.
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RV13: Tender Pink
Tender Pink is suffering at the cruel hands of reincarnation. He has died over thirteen-thousand times, and each time he has been reborn as a shrimp. He has spent innumerable lifetimes rotting in the guts of whales, being entangled in fishing lines, and/or marinating on a frying pan in korean restaurants. Tender Pink has no idea what he did to upset the gods of fate but he would do anything to be born as something a little bit more high-class, like an owl or a tree-sloth.
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RV14: Begonia Pink
When I was a wee boy, there lived a child across the street from me named Begonia Pink. On sunny saturday afternoons we would often get together and spend the days eating candies and building sand-castles. We were the best of friends. But, as time went by, we grew older, and our interests changed; I started becoming absorbed in literature, and he began dabbling in sciences. In the end, I became a writer, and Begonia Pink went off to university to study biology. He's currently working on a cure for emphysema, and lives in a mansion in California with his sixteen beautiful wives. Still, I think I made the better decision out of us two.
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RV17: Deep Magenta
Deep Magenta is part of an elite covert government operation. He's currently working under the guise of an elf at Santa's Workshop at the North Pole, trying to investigate the rumors of an underground cocaine-smuggling ring among the elf workforce. He's gonna find out who's been naughty this year, and he's gonna make them pay.
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RV19: Red Violet
Born from the pits of a stomach ulcer inside the body of a man named Harold Manderson, Red Violet is the world's only operatic tapeworm. He sings to legions of devoted blood cells and tuberculosis microbacterium all over Harold's body. He's reciting Castor et Pollux this friday evening in Harold's chest cavity.
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RV21: Light Pink
(Note: Light Pink is the most accomplished table-tennis player in the world. One day, in an act of brazen hubris, he challenged God himself to a match, with the caveat that if he were to win, Light Pink would inherit all of creation. God, being God, accepted the terms, and thus began the longest and most intense game of table-tennis the world has ever seen. In the end, against all odds and logic, Light Pink prevailed, and had bested God. Angry with the arrogance of this mortal, and a bit of a sore loser, God drained Light Pink of his colour as punishment for having the nerve to defeat him, and returned to the heavens, leaving the colourless table-tennis champion on earth. Light Pink is currently preparing a lawsuit against God for breaking a spoken contract, and is gathering a batch of witnesses to testify for his case.)
*Light Pink is a non-photo colour, and will not appear on scanned images.
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RV23: Pure Pink
For scientific purposes, we have taken a blacklight photograph of a test-subject in mid-sneeze. What you see before you is the first film-evidence of Pure Pink, the demon of nostril-expulsions. He moves from person to person, stealing their souls of all nutrients he requires, and moves onto new pray by expelling himself through his host's sneeze reflex. So now you know: every time you sneeze, you're losing a little bit more of your soul.
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RV25: Dog Rose Flower
Dog Rose Flower crashes cars for a living. He takes his locomotives onto the freeway and drives them into the nearest elderly couple's vehicle he can find. He then sues them for everything they have, uses the money to buy a new car, and starts this process all over again. So far over the thirteen years he's been doing this he's turned a profit of three hundred and eighty-two dollars.
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RV29: Crimson
Crimson is a freak of nature so let's not talk about him because he scares me.
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RV32: Shadow Pink
Shadow Pink grew up in an unassuming rural village in Northern Sarubula. He spent his days picking onions and selling them to support his blind, deaf chihuahua, Nibbles, and for the most part lived a peaceful and happy life. However, one day a giant meteor appeared in the sky, twice the size of the sun and on a crash-course with his planet. Just as the fiery apocalypse was about to strike down on the world, Shadow Pink was pulled through a temporal rift and found himself in a dark void of nothingness. Before him stood his blind, deaf chihuahua, holding a humongous hammer. Nibbles explained that he was actually a sage, sent from thousands of years in the past to monitor Shadow Pink's life. Many years ago, Nibbles foresaw the destruction of the world at the hands of a great evil entity, and saw that the fate of the world rested in the hands of one young individual named Shadow Pink. Nibbles handed over the mighty hammer to Shadow Pink, explaining that it was the mystical blade Hammertime, which was able to control the fabric of space and time itself. He then told Shadow Pink that he had to go back in time and stop this evil entity, thus changing the timeline and saving the future of the world. Thus Shadow Pink went on a great journey across the land of Sarubula, fighting monsters and gaining combat experience along the way. He also managed to recruit several people to his side, including a limbless mage and a fiesty junkyard attendant. Finally, he reached the cave of the evil entity, and worked his way up to it's lair. Once at the top, Shadow Pink discovered that the evil entity was in fact his long-estranged father, who had left him as a child. His father explained that the world was on a path of ultimate destruction, and that a cleansing and rebirth of life itself was required to save it. He had gone to this cave to attain the power of the long-forgotten elders of this world, which could be used to shape the planet in any way he pleased. He beckoned Shadow Pink to join him, and help him create a new ideal world. Shadow Pink, at a moral crossroads, had to call upon the memories of his friends and how they had helped him get to where he was. He then realized that all life is sacred, and no matter how flawed it is it deserves a chance. So a great battle ensued, and Shadow Pink had to fight his own flesh and blood for the sake of all creation. Eventually, Shadow Pink managed to fell his father, and stop the course of the asteroid. But it was only then that he realized that anyone who came to this sacred place could achieve the same goal that his father had. So Shadow Pink had to make the ultimate sacrifice and use the Hammertime to plunge him and the cave into an eternal void of space and time, where nobody could get to it. And thus Shadow Pink died alone, in the cold voids of space, an unsung hero of his world.
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RV34: Dark Pink
Dark Pink is the greatest neighbour a guy could ask for. Every day he greets me as I head out the door on my way to work, and he is always exceedingly jovial and kind-hearted towards me. Even better, whenever I've complained about another neighbour making too much noise partying into the night, Dark Pink has dealt with the matter quite effectively; in fact, I haven't seen or heard a peep out of any of my neighbours in years! I can only assume that they're too ashamed to show their faces after the stern lectures Dark Pink undoubtedly gave them. I mean, they've been so quiet that the police even turned their houses into crime scenes as a joke! Those kidders on the force! Thank god that I'm lucky enough to share a block with someone like Dark Pink.
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RV42: Salmon Pink
During his travels in the Amazon Jungle, Salmon Pink discovered a giant lumbering behemoth of a lizard, estimated to be millions of years old. Naturally, he shot it full of tranquilizers and brought it back home to his hometown of Edinburgh, where he now parades the beast around town like a giant, reptilian trophy. It also saves him a fortune on transit fees!
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RV69: Peony
Peony is the mascot of a murderous gang of crackheads and rapscallions called The Seventh Circle Bikers. They go around towns late at night, vandalizing property and abusing bystanders. They often capture women as hostages and sell them off to their husbands at extortionist prices, and have been known to butcher lawmen in the streets. Peony doesn't take part in any of this, of course; he's just the mascot. He's there to look good and cheer them on as they commit their unspeakable atrocities. Goooo team!
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RV91: Grayish Cherry
As the president of Oxford's elite, Grayish Cherry has many responsibilities and standards of conduct that he must uphold. But since he's in the Oxford's elite, he can just pay others to uphold his standards for him. Time is money, after all...whatever that means. Grayish Cherry has no time for such trivialities as knowledge.
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RV93: Smoky Purple
Smoky Purple is often accused of killing rock and roll. To be honest, he had to do it; rock was getting rabid, and roll just was too old to keep going. So Smoky Purple took them behind his toolshed with his trusty rifle and sent them to a better place, the great gig in the sky. He doesn't regret his decision, and you know you would have done the same in his situation.
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RV95: Baby Blossoms
Baby Blossoms has fallen on hard times. Ever since the underwear model job market collapsed she's been shiftless, drifting between employment offices desperately seeking for work. Modelling unmentionables was her calling, and the economy took it from her. Baby Blossoms doesn't want to live in a world where a person cannot be paid unreasonable amounts of money to walk around in their skivvies.
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RV99: Argyle Purple
Argyle Purple's mysterious third eye can see things that other people cannot. For example, it is able to read the fine print on any and all grocery food-packagings, and can even spot and ogle a foxy lady from 100 yards away. It also has an intrinsic ability to tell what fabric clothing is made of without checking the tag. Truly, Argyle Purple is blessed with the gift of foreheadsight.
